


Feelings and Fears

by sarcasticism



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexuality, Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 03:59:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14156217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasticism/pseuds/sarcasticism
Summary: What if Percy had been with Nico when he met Eros instead of Jason?





	Feelings and Fears

**Author's Note:**

> AU where Percy and Annabeth are just friends. Annabeth pushed Percy out of the way right before she fell into Tartarus. Percy feels awful that he couldn’t save her, but he knew she’d been trying to protect him. Nico showed up and shadow-traveled him to where they met Favonius. (Full disclosure I haven’t read HoO in quite a long time so this summary is probably riddled with canonical errors).
> 
> I took most of this from The House of Hades itself and just tweaked it a bit so it’s in Percy’s POV (as in almost all the dialogue is directly from the book). Everything belongs to Rick Riordan, etc.

Favonius had flown Percy and Nico all the way to -

“- Salona!” Favonius exclaimed. “Capital of Dalmatia! Birthplace of Diocletian! But before that, _long_ before that, it was the home of Cupid.”

Cupid’s name echoed around them; it was... unsettling. Percy had always thought Cupid was some fat, naked baby that flew around and shot people with tiny arrows. He looked at Nico, who appeared equally confused.

“Oh, it’s not like that,” said Favonius.

“What do you mean?” Percy asked.

Favonius tossed his bronze hoop into the air.

“ _Everyone_ has the wrong impression of Cupid… until they meet him.”

Nico leaned against one of the columns, legs shaking.

“Hey…” Percy started walking towards him but Nico waved him off.

At Nico’s feet, the grass turned brown and wilted.

“Ah...” Favonius nodded sympathetically. “I don’t blame you for being nervous, Nico di Angelo. Do you know how _I_ ended up serving Cupid?”

“I don’t serve anyone,” Nico muttered. “Especially not Cupid.”

Favonius continued. “I fell in love with a mortal named Hyacinthus. He was _quite_ extraordinary.”

“He…?” Percy trailed off. “ _Oh._ ”

“Yes, Percy Jackson.” Favonius arched an eyebrow. “I fell in love with a _dude_. Does that shock you?”

Percy had never really thought about it. Everyone had always pushed him towards Annabeth but both of them knew it hadn’t felt right. Especially considering Poseidon and Athena’s rivalry. After that, Percy had gotten swept up in _another_ prophecy, and he’d had little time to ponder his sexuality. That being said, Percy _had_ started questioning himself ever since he met Jason. _I mean, who_ wasn’t _attracted to that guy?_

After that, Percy started noticing guys more and more. After everyone on the ship got into relationships, _in the midst of their war,_ Percy, Nico, and Annabeth were the only single ones left. They had all started hanging out more often, not wanting to be the constant third wheels. Nico began smiling more and more when they were together, and each time he did, Percy’s stomach flipped over. He didn’t know why or how it happened, but before Percy knew it, he was crushing pretty hard on the son of Hades. Nico had even comforted him after Annabeth fell into Tartarus.

_Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault that she pushed you into safety._

_It should’ve been me… I should be the one trapped in Tartarus._

_Annabeth knows how important the quest is. She would want you to keep going. She’ll find her way out, I know she will. But we need to find the scepter. We have to keep going, Percy._

Nico had hugged and held him until he stopped shaking.

Of course it didn’t bother Percy. He liked boys too.

“No. So Cupid shot you and you fell in love?”

Favonius snorted. “You make it sound so simple. Alas, love is never simple. You see, the god Apollo also liked Hyacinthus. He claimed they were just friends. I don't know. But one day, I came across them together… instead of confronting them and finding out the truth, I shifted the wind and sent a heavy metal ring right at Hyacinthus’s head and… well.” Favonius sighed.

“As Hyacinthus died, Apollo turned him into a flower, the hyacinth. I’m sure Apollo would’ve taken horrible vengeance on me, but Cupid offered me his protection. I’d done a terrible thing but I’d been driven mad by love, so he spared me, on the condition that I work for him forever.”

Cupid’s name echoed throughout the ruins again.

“That would be my cue,” Favonius said, standing up. “Think long and hard about how you proceed, Nico di Angelo.” And with a _whoosh_ , he was gone.

Nico sighed. “Give us Diocletian’s scepter. We don’t have time for games.”

 _Games?_ Cupid’s voice echoed. _Love is no game! It is no flowery softness! It is hard work - a quest that never ends. It demands everything from you - especially the truth. Only then does it yield rewards._

“Nico, what does he want?” Percy asked.

“I - I have no idea!” Nico stammered. An invisible force shoved him against a pillar.

 _Tell him, Nico di Angelo,_  Cupid said. _Tell him you are a coward, afraid of yourself and your feelings. Tell him the real reason you ran away from Camp Half-Blood, and why you are always alone._

Nico screamed and the ground beneath his feet broke apart. Roman soldiers rose from the dead to defend him against Cupid’s words.

 _Will you hide amongst the dead, as you always do?_ Cupid taunted.

Darkness rolled off of Nico in waves and when it hit Percy, he almost passed out at the overwhelming hatred, shame, and… fear.

Images flashed through Percy’s mind. He saw Nico and Bianca on that snowy cliff in Maine. Percy was protecting them from the manticore. Though he looked brave in Nico’s eyes, Percy remembered how terrified he’d been.

Later, back at camp, Percy had taken Nico to aside and told him that he’d protect his sister. And Nico had _trusted_ him. Percy was Mythomagic brought to life, a _hero,_ how could he fail?

Percy felt Nico’s anguish when his past self revealed Bianca’s fate. But despite the betrayal, Nico couldn’t let the skeleton warriors attack him. So, he willed the earth to swallow them up and ran away, terrified of his feelings, of his powers.

Percy saw dozens more experiences through Nico’s eyes… he was so stunned he couldn’t bring himself to move.

In the meantime, Eros was fighting against the seemingly endless waves of skeleton warriors.

 _Interesting!_ Cupid said. _Do you have the strength, after all?_

“I left Camp Half-Blood because of love! Annabeth… she -”

So _that_ was why -

 _Still hiding_ , Cupid said, destroying more skeletons. _You do not have the strength_.

“Nico,” Percy said calmly, “it’s okay. I get it.”

When Nico looked at him, Percy could almost _feel_ how much the exchange was torturing him.

“No, you don’t,” he replied, averting his gaze. “There’s no way you can understand.”

 _And so you run away again_ , Cupid said. _From your friends, from yourself._

“I don’t have friends!” Nico yelled. “I left Camp Half-Blood because I don’t belong! I’ll never belong!”

The skeletons finally had Cupid pinned down, but still he laughed.

“I - I wasn’t in love with Annabeth,” Nico shakily admitted.

“You weren’t?” Percy asked in disbelief.

“I was… jealous of her. I couldn’t be around her… or you.” All the Roman warriors Nico had risen collapsed and turned into dust.

“I hated myself. I hated you.”

What was he trying to say?

“I had a crush on Percy,” Nico spat. “That’s the truth. That’s the big secret.”

Percy’s eyes widened.

Nico glared at Cupid, who had finally revealed himself. “Happy now?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say love always makes you happy.” His voice was more sympathetic, more human, but Percy could still hear the power behind it. “Sometimes it makes you incredibly sad. But at least you’ve _faced_ it now. That’s the only way to conquer me.”

Cupid dissolved into the wind, leaving what Percy assumed was the scepter of Diocletian. Percy and Nico kneeled next to it, taking some time to catch their breath.

“Nico,” Percy said softly. “That was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen. You’re the real hero here.”

“No, I’m not. I’m a mistake. Liking another boy is wrong.”

“Why? Why does it have to be wrong?”

“What do you know? You’ve never felt this way… you’re Percy Jackson. You’re confident and level-headed and you have Annabeth so it’s pointless for you to know anyways.”

“If you really think I’m level-headed then I’ve got some bad news for you.”

Nico sighed. “It’s like I said, Percy, you’d never understand.”

Percy was silent for a moment.

“But what if I did?”

“Percy…” Nico started.

“Annabeth has been my best friend since I was twelve. Everyone always said we’d be good together but we never understood why. I don’t feel that way about her... and she doesn’t feel that way about me.”’

Percy took a deep breath before continuing.

“I’ve been… struggling with admitting this for a while now, but I think I like girls _and_ guys. It’s not ‘wrong’ to like guys. People should love whoever they want. I know you’re scared of how everyone else will react, so I won’t say anything. As long as you keep my secret, too.”

“I’m the first person you told?”

“I trust you, Nico. Probably more than I trust the rest of the crew.”

“I…” Nico whispered.

“I trust you won’t tell anyone about _this_ either,” Percy whispered, leaning closer to him.

“What do you mean?”

Percy wove his right hand into Nico’s hair and pulled him in for a kiss. Nico froze, eyes wide open. Percy was kissing him. _Percy_ was kissing him. Percy was kissing _him._ And there he was, rooted to the spot like a statue.

Nico relaxed against Percy’s soft lips and put a hand on his chest. Nico could feel Percy’s heart beating just as fast as his was.

Percy pulled away slowly and pressed his forehead to Nico’s.

“Was that okay?” he breathed.

“Yes, of course, I just, I never thought you’d feel the same way and I, how? When?”

Percy leaned back so he could talk to Nico properly.

“Since we started hanging out and you started smiling more.. Everytime you smile, I swear my stomach does backflips. It just kinda… progressed from there.”

“Percy…” Nico whispered. “I’ve loved you for so long.”

Percy smiled softly. “Can we, uh, you know… be together now?”

“Of course!”

Percy grinned again and pulled Nico in close for a hug. Nico finally felt like he could belong somewhere, as long as that somewhere was in Percy’s arms.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know if someone's already written something like this but I couldn't find it so here it is. Also I'm sorry about the title honestly I have no idea how to title anything.
> 
> I could certainly write this as a full AU fic but I’m lazy so no(t yet).


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